


Flinch

by MyShipSailsHere



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angry Eddie, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fighting, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Buck, Threats of Violence, Violence, anger issues, buddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 03:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21112277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyShipSailsHere/pseuds/MyShipSailsHere
Summary: In anticipation of Season 3 Episode 5:Rage tomorrow!Buck's never been afraid of Eddie, but anger isn't a good look for him. And sometimes he can't help but flinch away. Are street fights really the answer? Definitely not. Not if Buck has a say in it.DO NOT add this fic (or any others of mine) to any other websites beside my own posts on Wattpad, this includes Goodreads and any other sites or apps. If you see any on there, feel free to report them because they do not have permission.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jecari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jecari/gifts).

> I have gifted this fic to my friend Jecari. Without her I wouldn't be writing as much. Thanks Jen. <3 I live for our idea bouncing sessions!

Buck noticed the change in Eddie gradually. Small things would tick him off and he yelled more. But as the weeks after the tsunami wore on, the little bouts of anger became worse. Even Chris was a little more careful about what he said around his father. It made Buck upset and concerned. He loved Christopher and wanted to protect him. He would do anything for that boy, but often lately that meant sending him to his room so that Eddie would scream at Buck without Chris watching. 

“How could you be so stupid?!” Eddie spit out at him in his latest rage, flinging a toy against the wall. “You know that Chris gets his meds at 3:30 p.m. It’s four! You’ve messed up his whole schedule. How could you do this!? I trusted you with him.”

Buck took a step closer to him and placed a hand on his arm soothingly. “Eddie, please calm down. Chris was napping. He had a stressful day at the physical therapist, and I was going to give it to him when he woke up because he was exhausted. I called Maddie and she said it would be fine to wait a little bit.” 

“Oh, so Saint Maddie said it was okay, so you just do it? You should have called me. I would have told you to wake him.”

“Eddie, I promise next time I will call you ab-” 

Eddie cut him off practically snarling. “There won’t be a next time. I don’t trust you.” Eddie took a menacing step toward Buck and he couldn’t restrain the violent flinch at Eddie’s movements and words. Everything about Eddie’s posture said he would hit Buck, so he closed his eyes and waited.

But after a few seconds he peeked and Eddie was across the room, staring at him with wide round eyes. “I’m sorry, Buck. I wouldn’t hurt you. I swear.”

Buck watched him carefully. He didn’t look angry any more, but plenty of abuse started this way. His own father had started this remorseful and within months he had been relentlessly beating him. Maddie had ended up in a relationship that was much the same. 

He took a deep breath, calming his shaking hands before finally speaking in a firm but calm tone. “You need to do something about this. You are scaring me, and you’re scaring your son. I am your best friend, Eddie. But this isn’t you, man, and I won’t stick around and let you do this. Not to me, and especially not to that sweet little boy. He’s your son and he loves you, but someone has to think about him and right now I don’t think you are. Now, I’m going to get him and pack a bag. He’s staying at my place tonight. Clean up the mess you made and fix this Eddie.”

He walked away, snatching the meds from Eddie’s hands as he went. Stepping into Christopher’s room all smiles, he woke the boy, who could luckily sleep through a tornado or his screaming father. 

Things calmed down after that. Eddie came over the next day to apologize and they moved on. He seemed calmer after a while, which made Evan less tense around him. He seemed more like normal Eddie and things were good. Until they weren’t.

\--------------

Buck loved watching Christopher and didn't mind keeping him late, but when Eddie walked through the door an hour late looking hurt, it was like a brick hit Buck. His face was bleeding, his knuckles were bruised and bleeding, and he was favoring his right side. Something had definitely happened. 

Buck rushed to his side running light hands over his face, but Eddie just swatted him away. “Leave it Buck.”

“I’m not going to just leave it Eddie. What happened? You’re an hour late and no one texted me about a bad call. Hell, you didn’t even text me that you would be late.” He kept his voice low since Chris was asleep, but concern was evident in his tone. 

Eddie didn’t even respond as he shouldered past Buck into the kitchen. Buck rolled his eyes and grabbed the first aid kit from under the sink before pushing Eddie gently into a chair and beginning to clean his wounds. 

“Are you going to answer me?” Buck asked softly as he pressed antiseptic into Eddie’s face.

Eddie snarled at him, when he pressed firmly on a particularly deep cut. “Why would anyone text you? You aren’t a part of the team. You quit.” 

Buck tossed aside the gauze he was using and took a step away from Eddie. “You’re right. I’m not on the team. But this is the third time this week you’ve been late, and you normally text me when you get a late call or have something else to do after. And you never turn up at home looking like this. So tell me what happened.”

Eddie sighed, running a hand over his hair. “It’s nothing, Evan. I was just blowing off some steam.”

“How?”

Buck could tell he was thinking hard about what to say and when he finally spoke it was mumbled softly. “Lena showed me this underground street fighting ring. I’ve been going for a few weeks now.” 

Buck leaned heavily against the counter at the admission, putting his face in his hands and taking a few deep breaths before rounding on Eddie. His chest hurt just hearing Eddie talk about Lena, but that wasn’t the problem now. Street Fighting was the problem. “How could you risk everything? Your life? Christopher? For some cheap thrills. How dare you, you asshole.” Buck didn’t often get upset enough to yell. Even now his tone was sharp, but his voice was low and level. 

“But you were afraid of me…”

“And now I’m afraid for you and for Christopher? Are you kidding me, Eddie? How could you be so stupid! Do you want me to have to tell that boy in there that he lost his dad a year after his mom?”

“You told me to do something about it, so I did. I fixed it. I’m better now.” Eddie’s brows furrowed and on any other occasion Buck would think it was adorable, but his words just pissed Buck off. He was supposed to be dealing with his anger not beating people up. 

“I meant to go to therapy or damn, take up yoga, you absolute moron. Not this.” He spit the words out, running a harsh hand through his blonde hair. He didn’t know what to do. Eddie used to be the level headed one, but this... This was not Eddie and that hurt. He missed the real Eddie. The Eddie he had fallen in love with. 

He watched him for a few moments to see if anything he had said was sinking in, but Eddie just stared at the floor, refusing to look at him. And Buck had had enough. 

“I’d rather you hit me than this.” The words rang out in the room as Buck walked away, leaving Eddie behind, refusing to turn back no matter how much he wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Httpstiles for Beta reading and Jecari for listening to me ramble about this fic!
> 
> Comments are always welcome!


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of the tsunami, but canon change because Eddie knew they were missing at least for a little bit.

Buck managed to stay away for a week. Avoiding Eddie completely and only going to see Chris when he was with Carla or Eddie’s abuela. Putting space between them was one of the hardest things he had ever done, because Chris and Eddie were how he got through the bombing, his multiple surgeries, several hospital stays, and the tsunami. He hardly remembered who he was without them. And he didn’t really want to go back to being that person. 

His life quickly became more quiet, but it wasn’t better. He missed seeing Chris every day, and he even missed Eddie. No matter what he was going through, he was still Eddie and Buck still loved him. Eddie may never see them as anything more than best friends, but Buck wouldn’t let that stop him from helping Eddie through this. He deserved to be happy and healthy. And Chris deserved it too. 

He could have gone longer than a week without seeing Eddie, but Carla called him begging him to watch Chris and he couldn't say no. He wouldn't want to anyway. So, he let them into his apartment with a smile a half an hour later. 

“Hey, Buddy!” He grinned down at Christopher.

“BUCK!” Christopher cried, hugging his legs before going to sit in the living room.

He pulled Carla into a hug and let her into the apartment. “Hey, Carla. Everything okay?” 

“Hey, Buckaroo. I appreciate you taking him so last minute. Are you sure this is okay?”

“Of course, Carla. I love Christopher. I don’t mind taking him. As long as Eddie doesn’t care, I don’t mind at all. Howard needs you in Pasadena, we will be fine here. I’ll even send you some pictures of Chris’ pretty face.”

“I know you don’t mind, Evan, but I know you and Eddie are fighting. Are you okay to see Eddie later?”

Buck sighed and he stared at his hands, but instead of answering, he deflected with a question. “Why would you think we are fighting?” 

She gripped his chin in one hand, forcing him to look at her. “Other than you coming over on my shifts to visit, rather than taking Chris for a day? Eddie looks miserable and sounded so relieved that you agreed to take him that I’m sure you haven’t spoken in a week. Probably since Chris told me you were yelling last week. Boy, you never yell at Eddie, What’s going on?”

It took everything in him not to wince at her question. It wasn’t his place to tell people about Eddie’s anger. “It’s nothing Carla, he was just dealing with his emotions badly, and he needed to know I was serious. So, it’s mostly up to him now.”

Carla raised an eyebrow at him. “If you say so, Buckaroo. Now I have to go. You boys be good.” She kissed them both on the cheek before slipping out the front door. 

It felt good to have Christopher in his space again. It had only been a week, but he missed the little boy, who had quickly become his world. So, he pushed aside any thoughts about Eddie and focused on making it a fun day for Christopher.

They played all day with legos and watched movies, giggling and having fun, until it was finally time to put him down to bed. 

He kissed Chris’ face all over, pulling giggles from him. “Goodnight, Kiddo.”

“I love you, Bucky.” Buck’s heart melted at the sweet words. Chris had said it before, but every time he said it Buck wanted to cry.

He soothed Christopher’s hair gently. “I love you too, Buddy.” 

“Bucky?” Christopher whispered softly, pulling Buck’s attention to his face.

“Yeah?”

“Will you and Daddy stop fighting soon?” Chris was curled around Buck’s pillow, looking so small in the big bed, but his small hopeful face just made him look younger. 

“Oh, kiddo, Daddy and I will figure it out, promise. But I love you so much. Even if your Dad and I fight, I will never leave you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise, sweetheart.” He kissed Christopher’s cheek one last time before heading back downstairs. 

Eddie was late again— two hours past the time that Buck was expecting him to come get Chris with no calls or texts as a heads up. It was getting ridiculous. So when he finally heard the key twist in the lock he was waiting anxiously in the kitchen. 

When Buck got a good look at Eddie, he didn’t see any new cuts or bruises, so, at least there was that, but being two hours late, meant either a late call or Lena. God, Buck hated her. He would probably hate anyone who replaced him at the 118, but he especially hated her for how close she was getting to Eddie. 

“Where have you been, Eddie?” Buck gritted out through clenched teeth. 

Eddie just sighed, running a hand over his face. “Sorry, I was with Lena. Just at the gym this time. Don’t worry.”

Buck just hummed thoughtfully, trying to keep the jealousy from welling up in his chest, and moved around Eddie to grab Christopher’s bag.

Eddie huffed angrily. “Are you really still not going to talk to me?” 

When Buck said nothing and continued packing Christopher’s things, Eddie grabbed him by the arm tightly. “I didn’t go to the fights. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Buck shrugged him off easily and glared at him. “Whoo hoo, Diaz. What do you want a trophy? You didn’t unnecessarily risk your life, possibly leaving your child an orphan, great for you. We should throw a party.”

Buck watched as Eddie’s eyes darkened with rage, but he didn’t flinch away this time. Eddie needed to get it through his head. The fights weren’t an option. Hurting himself wasn’t an option.

He jumped, startled when Eddie’s fist went through the dry-wall inches from Buck’s face. 

Buck stared at the hole that could have been his face and saw red. He stepped into Eddie’s space. His eyes still showed his rage, but Buck wasn’t afraid. Not of this.

“So, that’s it, huh? You wish that was my face, don’t you? You’ve decided you’d rather hit me? Well, go ahead big guy. Hit me. Do it.” 

Eddie just backed away slightly, saying nothing, eyes still hard and angry. But Buck refuses to back down, glaring harshly at him as he continued in a low harsh tone. “You wouldn’t be the first person to try and put me in my place, so go ahead. Do it. Then run off and fuck your anger out with Lena. I’ll watch your kid, like always.”

Eddie staggered back as though Buck had hit him. “Ay Dios. Evan,” He murmured Buck’s name like a prayer, “I— I didn’t mean to do that. I don’t want to hurt you. Oh God.” He slid down to the floor, until his back was against the island. Buck watched for a moment, before sobs overtook him. 

Buck couldn’t bear to watch Eddie break down and do nothing. He crossed the gap between them quickly, kneeling besides his best friend and wrapping him in his arms easily. The closeness only made the sobbing increase, and Buck tried to listen as Eddie babbled almost incomprehensibly.

“Ev— Sorry— Fault— Shouldn’t’ve— Needed to— Scared—” The more he spoke the closer he became to hyperventilating. 

Buck pulled away gently, moving himself so that Eddie could see him. He cupped Eddie’s cheeks gently in his palms brushing away the tears soaking his face. “Eddie, you need to breathe for me, okay? Just follow my breathing.”

They sat there on the floor for a long time, just breathing in sync until Eddie finally calmed enough to talk. 

“Are you ready to talk?” He murmured softly, when his leg started to twinge and his ass was thoroughly asleep. Eddie nodded jerkily before Buck stumbled to his feet dragging Eddie up with him. 

He tugged Eddie by the hand to the sofa and settled in so that he could look at Eddie and listen. He waited patiently, even though patience wasn’t exactly his strong suit, until Eddie finally spoke.

“I’m sorry.” He croaked out, staring intently at his hands. Buck bit his lip to keep from talking, hoping that if he stayed silent Eddie might actually tell him what was going on with him. But as the silence stretched between them, he knew that if he didn’t talk neither would Eddie. So he kept his voice soft and gentle. 

“We already put our lives in danger every day on the job. Why do you need more risk in your life?”

“I’m so angry, Buck. I don’t know what to do,” Eddie whispered softly, as if the confession would make Buck leave.

“Can you tell me why? You were never this angry before. What’s going on Eddie? I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.” Buck pleaded gently.

Eddie refused to meet his eyes, instead focusing all his attention on the string of his hoodie. “I almost lost you— you and Chris. I— I already lost Shannon. I couldn’t save her and then— then you and Chris were out there in that tsunami. And there was nothing. Nothing I could do to save you. My training meant nothing. My three tours in Afghanistan meant nothing. I was helpless. That feeling won’t go away.” Silent tears streamed down his face, but he still refused to look up. 

Buck slipped a gentle hand under his chin, raising it so their eyes met. “I’m so sorry you feel this way, Eddie. I understand, and I’m here for you. I am so sorry I lost Christopher in that chaos, so sorry that I took him there. Every moment he was missing felt like it was suffocating me. I am so sorry that I am the reason you almost lost him.”

“No,” Eddie hissed harshly. “I almost lost both of you. I don’t blame you. Not for a second. I trust you with my son’s life more than anyone in this world. I’ve told you that before and it hasn’t changed.”

“Okay. Okay. Can we maybe find a way for you to deal with your anger that doesn’t scare me and Chris to death or hurt your pretty face?”

Eddie’s eyes widened slightly. “You think I’m pretty?”

Buck couldn’t help but laugh. “Eddie, you know you’re pretty. I’ve watched multiple people fawn over you since you started,” he said with a smile.

“Plus, you’ve been fucking around with my replacement.” Buck added bitterly before Eddie could respond. 

He watched as Eddie’s eyes furrowed cutely. “Buck, nothing is going on with me and Bosco. She spars with me sometimes and showed me the fighting ring, but nothing else.” He reached out and grabbed Buck’s hand gently. “Besides, no one could ever replace you. Not at the 118, and especially not to me.”

Buck’s face flushed, and he looked away from Eddie. “You, her. . . The late nights—”

Eddie smiled sweetly at him, looking more like himself than Buck had seen in weeks. “Just me trying to box out some of my anger. I didn’t want to come home to you and Chris like that. And then I ruined it anyway.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.” Buck just shrugged. 

But his words only caused Eddie to pull away almost completely. “You were afraid of me. And I could have hurt you. If not that day then just now in the kitchen.”

“I understand that you need an outlet for your anger,” Buck said softly, pulling Eddie into his arms, with his face in Buck’s neck. “But I’m not afraid of you, Eddie. I know you aren’t trying to hurt me. And if you were I would leave. I won’t let someone I love hurt me like that. Not anymore. But I also can’t stand aside and let you do something that could hurt you, just to get through this anger. Christopher can’t lose you like that. I can’t lose you like that.”

Eddie whimpered into his neck, before Buck felt his lips move against his skin. “You love me?”

Buck sucked in a sharp breath as he ran over his words in his head. He hadn’t meant to say that much. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

Eddie pulled away slightly and looked up at him with big beautiful brown eyes. “But did you mean it?”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, but not pulling away from Eddie. This might be the last chance he had to be close to him, and he refused to lose the feeling of their bodies pressed close until he had to. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the backlash. “Yeah. I’m in love with you.”

The silence was deafening. 

Buck wanted to run, but this was his apartment and Chris was sleeping upstairs. There was no where for him to go. 

The soft brush of lips against his was surprising. His eyes flew open and he stared at Eddie, unmoving. It was definitely the last thing he expected Eddie to do. 

When Eddie pulled back and opened his eyes delicately, a smile stretched across his pretty mouth. “I love you too.”

Buck’s ears were ringing. He had definitely misheard. Eddie loved him, sure, but as a friend.

“What?”

Eddie’s chuckle rang out loud in his ears. “I’m in love with you, Evan Oliver Buckley. I have been for a while.”

A laugh bubbled out of him as he flung himself into Eddie’s arms, slamming them back into the cushions. 

“Really?”

“Really.” Eddie murmured as he pressed his lips back against Buck’s, still so gentle as though anything more would break him.

Buck pulled away after a few moments. “Okay, but we are in this together, now more than ever, and you have to let me help you. You shouldn't have to work through this alone. I love you, and I don't want you hurting.” He said sternly, staring down at Eddie.

Eddie sighed, pressing his lips to Buck’s cheek. “I will. I promise. I love you, _ Mi Corazon_.”

Buck smiled and pillowed his head against Eddie's chest. They may not be perfect, but they had each other and they would get through this. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Httpstiles and Jecari <3
> 
> Comment pretty please!


End file.
